List of “Williamsburg-Adjacent” apartments actually in Pennsylvania
EAST STROUDSBURG, Pa. — Rental agent Bonnie Mallick says her studio apartment in East Stroudsburg, Pa., is “adjacent to Williamsburg,” despite being nearly 80 miles away, aggravated renters reported.
“If you consider the size of the universe as a whole, this apartment at 432 Gold St practically touches Williamsburg in relation to, say, the Andromeda Galaxy. So yeah, it’s definitely adjacent,” a defiant Mallick said. , which also declines to list square footage on Zillow listings.” And there’s a Greyhound station about a two-mile walk away that you can use to get to Williamsburg in less than 18 hours. You’ll pass the hippest cafes and adorable boutiques in no time. Also, no utilities are covered by the rent and there is a monthly HOA fee of $600 that I couldn’t fit anywhere in the listing.
The outgoing tenant of 432 Gold St, Kirk Pond, was disappointed by the promise of access to Brooklyn shortly after moving in.
“The listing said you could be in the heart of Williamsburg in minutes, which is technically true because it didn’t say how many minutes it would take,” admitted Pond, who moved into the apartment after accepting a gig. as a bassist for a Williamsburg-based indie band. “Since then, my life has become hell. I don’t know how to use a map, but a look would have confirmed that this agent was lying through his veneer-covered teeth. Also, she really went to great lengths to brighten up and saturate the photos of the place that I had to accept without seeing them. It’s a fucking dungeon. Never, ever forget that landlords, agents, and landlords are all scum of the earth.
Economists have offered a different perspective on choices regarding real estate and rentals.
“These little trophy-carrying babies are so picky about where they live, it makes me sick,” said Stan Lomax, columnist for Kiplinger’s Personal Finance. “I have yet to rent one of my vacation homes in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, which is only $7,000 a month. ‘Nooo, we have to be near the cafes.’ They should all aspire to be more like my son, who managed to buy a stunning condo in the heart of Williamsburg after I gave him $2.2 million to do so. He brews his own coffee every day instead of spending it at the store where it can cost upwards of five dollars.
Mallick continued to push the boundaries of truth in his latest apartment listing by using the bathroom sink as justification to advertise “laundry in the unit.”